Tag Archives: fear

Found in Him

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For the past nine weeks, the Lord has been asking me to wake up at 5 am to spend time with Him. I have been trying to by setting alarms, picking 2 days a week as a starting goal, going to bed a little earlier, and yet I have been totally unsuccessful. This has been incredibly frustrating and has caused such a looming sense of disappointment and failure within myself. I have even moved to have friends hold me accountable, begging them please pray that I can do this, I want to do this, but there seems to be some major disconnect, and it’s not happening. I mean, the God of ALL CREATION wants to meet with ME and I cannot get myself out of bed!!!!!!!!! When you ask people who are crazy about Jesus and they love the Jesus in you to pray, crazy ( and awesome) stuff starts happening!

On Sunday, during worship, I had this vision on Jesus and I. It was like no other experience I have EVER had. Him and I were laying on a picnic blanket together. We were sharing secrets. My head was on His chest and I could feel and hear His heart beating. I was so safe, so captivated by His presence, and nothing else mattered. It was like He was saying, ” You and I have been best friends for so long, but I want to move into a deeper relationship. I want to reveal more of myself to you. I am desiring for you to love me fully and give your whole self over. Will you let go of control and really allow yourself to fall into my love?” To be honest, this was so different than any interaction I have ever had with the Lord. But it stirred up the deepest places in me that I didn’t even know were there. I had those crazy emotions I did when my husband and I were just getting to know each other. There is excitement and anticipation and this longing to be together more. I felt so seen, so vulnerable, so pursued, so loved.

And then…….I pushed away.

Have you ever had this experience? Where you have this deep, vulnerable moment with someone and it’s amazing and then just a few hours later, you are feeling so exposed, so uncomfortable, so seen, that the reaction is to pull away so you can go back into hiding? That is how I have been treating Jesus. So He took this opportunity to reveal to me my fear of fulling allowing His love to carry me away. He has been revealing how much I am holding on for dear life and allowing the river to rush by and  the current is brutal because I am clinging to the wrong rock and getting beat up. He is asking me to let go, and to go all in with the current of His rushing river of life. He is showing me that I do not have to know where I end up, how I get there, or what it all looks like, I just have to know Him.

I must confess: I am AFRAID. He has revealed that I AM AFRAID TO BE FULLY KNOWN OR SEEN.

Yesterday I had someone come over sort of unexpectedly and my house was not at peak performance, it was more in it’s natural, lived in, state. I felt exposed and honestly looking for disapproval, or rejection, or surprise but I found none of that, I only found acceptance. The Lord showed me later in the day that I often clean up before I am seen. I only like to show what looks put together, shiny, clean, everything in it’s place. I do not like the messy to be made known. I shared this later with my friend who replied, ” I do not want you to have to clean up any part of you before you can share it with me. I love you right where you are at.”

I AM LOVED IN EVERY STATE. I can be fully known, fully seen, in any condition and still be loved and accepted. I am not sure if this is as strong for you as it is for me, but until a few days ago I did not even know I was hiding. Because I love the Lord, and I want to know Him more. Because I love you all and am willing to say what He asks me to say for your benefit- I am choosing to be seen, exposed, vulnerable. I am choosing to become more genuine, transparent, real. I am afraid to be seen, but I LONG to be seen.

In the vision I spoke of earlier, I saw myself fully melt into Jesus. You could no longer see me, just Him. It was the safest I’d ever felt and the most real image I’ve ever seen of who I want to be. That is my deepest desire; that I would be found in Him. So I have made a decision. I’m letting go of control, here and now. Loosening my grip on the pretty and perfect and choosing the real, the genuine, the messy. Where will this lead? I am not sure, but Jesus is who I Am following, will you join me?

P.S. a little progress to celebrate- it is 5:02 am and I am about to publish this post! Praise the Lord, I have broken through!

Is this good?

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A few days ago I had this rather peculiar thought process. It was about one of the hardest things that God has ever asked me to do. When He did, I literally had to lay down my life, my flesh, say YES to Him, pick up my cross and follow Him. Choosing this led me into much heartbreak, much pain, and much sorrow. Is this good? It did NOT feel good, but God is good. So back to this peculiar thought process: I realized that many of the things I had been asking the Lord for came out of this hard journey. He showed me a connection in only a way the Holy Spirit can, in a matter of seconds, how saying yes to Him for that has led my family into many wonderful blessings. If I would have said no to the Lord, the very things I count as major gifts and incredible opportunities would not be present in my life today.

Also, I am thinking of a friend who found Jesus in the midst of post-partum depression. One of the hardest things she has ever faced brought her to the One who can work everything together for good. Later in her life, the difference of knowing Jesus, and how He affected her decisions during a tremendously terrifying storm, changed generations for the Kingdom of God.

So, if the question is, “Is this good?” Perhaps we need to respond, “God is good, and He works everything together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!”

If you are in a storm, or He is asking something of you that ‘feels’ like it will kill you, rest in this today….. God is ALWAYS good, you are ALWAYS loved, and He brings us out to bring us in. the path isn’t always easy- but you are never alone! Say yes to Him, always choose to deny yourself and say yes. He is looking for those who will say yes no matter what! I believe you are one!

Well Done- heard by which Father?

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The Lord has really been speaking to me recently of being “others” focused. I have heard this message many times spoken by men, but when the Lord actually begins to stir this in your heart-there is something more convicting- more heart breaking, more freeing, more….more. Let’s consider how “other’s focused” the Lord is. He gave everything just because He loved. We are called to be His reflection. We are called to suffer for this purpose. We are not called to never sacrifice, never get dirty, never be uncomfortable. When did this life, this american dream, become our gospel?

Honestly, I find myself wanting to crucify anything that will get in the way of the comforts of my life that I “can’t live without.” Ouch! It hurts to say that out loud. No, Lord, do not ask me to sacrifice THAT, I can’t possible live without my….. I’m sure we could all fill in the blanks. But what if our lives could have more purpose, more effect, more legacy? Would we be willing to “do without” so someone else could benefit? Would we be willing to consider others as better than ourselves, not because of their merit or character, but because the scriptures instruct us to do so? Would we be willing to let the love offering that we have received from what Jesus so freely gave pour out of us generously onto anyone who was in need without first sizing up the situation as to if it’s just too messy to be involved with?

Thank GOD, Jesus didn’t deny me because my situation was messy. Do you know where I would be without my savior? I would be dead. I could not have forced life this many years without Jesus because without Him I was walking dead anyway. He rescued me from the pits of mental despair that had come to claim me. He threw me a life preserver, He pulled me out of sinking sand, He placed my feet upon a solid rock and gave me a reason to sing. HE GAVE ME LIFE! How can I not give Him my life in return? What did Jesus do for you? What is your response?

I’m not saying all of this to shame blame you into giving more, doing more. I am just wondering, who is this Jesus we claim to belong to? What are the “rules” of being part of this family? Don’t you know all families have “rules” or a “code of ethics” that you must abide by to receive their approval and acceptance? Jesus made it clear in the scriptures that his family was no longer his earthly mother and brothers, but it was anyone who was doing the will of the Father. What is the will of the Father? To love God with everything you’ve got, and to love others as much as you love yourself. Which family will get your legacy. Will it be, “I’m so proud of my son, He’s worked hard, has lots of money in savings, has adequate insurance to cover every possible thing that might happen, has a huge home, nice cars, and two beautiful children that are set to become the next generation of doctors and lawyers!” Or will it be, ” Well Done, good and faithful servant, you have loved well, and in you I AM well pleased.”

Again, I’m not saying that having a good job, savings, insurance, and awesome successful kids is wrong, I’m just hopefully pointing to that IS NOT the pinnacle of life. The ones in the Bible who were acclaimed suffered greatly to save a people. The message they carried cost them. They were scoffed, persecuted, hated, uncomfortable, imprisoned, beaten, murdered. Do you think the call has changed? Or maybe we water the message down so it won’t seem so offensive or hurt anyone’s feelings. Which Father are you serving? Which legacy do you choose to live your life, your one life, creating?

Friends this is hitting me like never before. Trust me, I WANT a bigger house.I WANT a trip to Europe. I WANT a nicer car. I WANT more money in bank. I WANT my cable TV. I WANT expensive, nice things. Oh man, I can’t tell you how much I WANT those things. I can’t tell you how often I have complained because I don’t have MORE things yet, and took time to maybe point a finger of blame on who has slowed this process down in my life. I mean, how come so-and-so seems to get everything I WANT! OUCH! How can that be a heart full of giving? How can one so full of me, me, me and blame, blame, blame, be a heart fully surrendered to an all out , gave-my-own-son-so-that-you-may-live, God?

So now I am beginning to wonder, what can I sacrifice? What can I live without? What can I give away or sell so that my income is freed up to give? What can I do with my time? What can I do with my words? What can I do with my gifting, talents, abilities to bless, encourage, motivate, and equip others to be living in their God given purpose?

This does not feel good. I am not writing this from a place of, “Oh, hey, over here, check me out, I’m the girl who blesses and humbly does without for the sake of Jesus.” No WAY! even writing this, my flesh is saying, “NO! don’t put it out there….you will have to start living it.” But the time is now. I have to stop striving  for the “American Dream”, and refocus my life on the legacy I am called to leave because I belong to Jesus Christ. With a knot in my stomach I declare, “The time is NOW!”

Galatians 2:20

The Message (MSG)

 19-21 What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

Lord Jesus, we need more of You. Lord, quiet our hearts from all the acceptance messages, approval addictions, deadlines, bills, American culture stuff that we constantly bow down to. Lord, I ask that with a clear heart and mind You will begin to show each of us the particular plan and purpose you uniquely created us for. Show us how to step out today in faith for Your glory and as a direct response to Your love. Who is it we can come alongside of today, expecting nothing in return and help to carry the load for a season? Lord Jesus, it is all about You- we desire to genuinely reflect You on the Earth, that You would be made famous through our lives and not ourselves. Teach us how to live, teach us how to love, in a way that You would be proud of and pleased with. We need more of You Lord! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

 

He goes with us!

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I have a few more thoughts on this “being led into the storm” and “stormy places being considered high places” stuff. Jesus got in the boat first. The disciples followed Jesus onto the very vehicle that took them into a violent storm. Wow. Jesus journeyed with them Himself into the storm. He never leaves us to endure the storms alone. Ok here’s the thing the storm showed them who they were not- and a new part of who the One they were placing their trust in and giving their lives to follow was. They exclaimed, “Who is this man that even the wind and waves obey Him?” Out of this storm came men more aware of the Authority, Power, and Majesty of Jesus Christ. For us to get more of Who He is, for us to become aware of where we need Him, He will lead us into a storm and journey along with us revealing Who He is that we need to know for the next part of our life’s journey. His love is beyond great!

Matthew 8:23-27 And after He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And suddenly, behold, there arose a violent storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered up by the waves; but He was sleeping. And they went and awakened Him, saying, Lord, rescue and preserve us! We are perishing! And He said to them, Why are you timid and afraid, O you of little faith? Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great and wonderful calm a perfect peaceableness. And the men were stunned with bewildered wonder and marveled, saying, What kind of Man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him!

Led into the storm

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Matthew 8: 18, 24
18 Now Jesus, when He saw the great throngs around Him, gave orders to cross to the other side [of the lake].
24 And [l]suddenly, behold, there arose a violent storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered up by the waves; but He was sleeping.

So considering yesterday I had a new perspective of what a “high place” is in the kingdom of God, a place of suffering, trouble, or responsibility. Today I read these scriptures and realized, Jesus led His disciples right into the very terrible storm. The storm was a high place because they had to face what they really believed, and when it happened the truth came out that they didn’t have much faith, they had enough faith for shallow water, but not for wind and waves. But notice Jesus was sleeping, He wasn’t afraid. We have Christ in us, and if we can choose His love, and let it free us from fear, we can agree with Christ in us and be able to rest even during the worst of the storm. And one other thought, being led into the storm was God’s perfect will, it didn’t mean the disciples went in the wrong direction, or were outside of God’s will for their lives. Jesus led them into the storm, as a “high place” to be aware of the areas they needed more trust, faith, and belief. Jesus led them into the storm to reveal to them how much more of Himself they needed, and then they were propelled into the next level of ministry. The storm always prepares us for what is next. It is because He loves us….perspective, Lord open up my perspective, let me see circumstances through your eyes!

High Places

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Habakkuk 3:19
Amplified Bible (AMP)
19 The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!

So what I am reflecting on today, is that when I depend on the Lord to be my strength, I will not be paralyzed by terrible things, but able to make spiritual progress. AND that in the kingdom of God, a “High” place, is a place of trouble, suffering, or responsibility? When I asked why, He showed me how loaded with opportunity those places are. The choices we make in the midst of suffering or trouble are the very defining moments that can propel us forward into our destinies, and get us Unstuck. Are you willing to go to “high” places? Are you willing to trust in the Lord’s strength to be able to make progress instead of pushing forward in only what your strength allows or just continue to stand still? Whew, so much to contemplate this day!

The Lion is not afraid

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This is a season of acceleration in learning. Learning comes mostly by experience. He is teaching me so much in this awesome hands on course we call life.

A few months ago, I was chatting with my mentor, and she brought a word to me from the Lord. She began teaching me the difference of intervention(which is what happens once it all falls apart), and interception (which is stopping it before it gets to far.) She taught me how the Holy Spirit, who is alive in me, wants to intercept the plans of my enemy for which the purpose is to destroy and/or  distract me from walking in the fullness of who God created me to be and fulfilling my Kingdom assignment on the Earth.

She went further to help me understand how I need to tune my spiritual ears in and ask Him about everything. By asking Him to help me intentionally listen more carefully, He is revealing truth ahead of time,and by choosing to obey even though I didn’t understand fully, He has kept from a few disasters. The sole purpose of my enemy is to kill me, BUT I have Christ in me….and He came to give me ABUNDANT life. This means as I listen, I am learning( learning-just learning-I don’t always get it right-but in process) to say no to bad things, and good things, and yes only to God things.

What do I mean by God things? I mean when I ask Him, “Is this what you have for me right now?” If He gives a green light, I continue to walk forward, Yellow I wait, Red I stop. There are so many good opportunities to do good, but God has specific opportunities for each of us always, which align us with the right people, put us in the right direction, and fulfill our purpose.

The next thing ( and I believe these are linked), is all about identity. I am learning how important it is to know who God says we are because when an attack on your identity comes, and you know what is true, you will not be defeated, destroyed, or devastated. When I am agreeing with lies, then the enemy can find agreement in me and tackle me all of a sudden.But when I ask Jesus consistently, Who do you say that I am? Who am I in you? And I allow Him to build me up in my core, my foundation is stronger when the storm comes. I will be found standing on my Rock, who CANNOT BE SHAKEN!

And finally the Lord  revealed Himself to me on Sunday as the most majestic, most powerful, most fierce Lion I have ever seen. He laid in front of me and said, “I AM the highest. No one preys on Me. And I have you. You are in Me. You have nothing to be afraid of. I have you covered in protection.”

The very next night, this Monday, I find myself in an emergency room watching my husband crash. His blood pressure and oxygen levels were dangerously low. The nurse had a crash cart placed right outside of his room just in case. For a split second, the attack came. I saw Brendon and I with no Troy, my eyes filled up with tears, and devastation was about to take a seat in my spirit.

BUT……

Because of being aware of interception- I heard the Holy Spirit say- THAT IS NOT TRUE! Think on only what is true-look Troy is alive right in front of you.

The Lord just the day before promised me as I was in Him, He has me covered in protection. Because I was fully confident in the truth of that aspect of my identity, the LIE of death and fear of the unknown could NOT find agreement in my spirit and was KICKED OUT before destruction,devastation, and defeat could get comfortable ruling my emotions.

Instead, I was able to stay calm and peaceful. I was able to pray and be strong for my husband in his moment of need. All of the fruits of the Holy Spirit were abounding in the midst of chaos. IT WAS AMAZING! And the only reason I’m sharing this is because as this is becoming my new normal response to the surprises of life, I am left AMAZED because I know it is only by the grace of God that I have authority to step into being an OVERCOMER. It is only because of the love of God, and the very real presence of the Holy Spirit living in me, that I have been blessed to have dominion over my emotions and allow the Truth to lead me instead of how I feel. This is not shared so you can think I’m some amazing, spiritual person. I simply want you to know this is available to all of us. I want to share the goodness of God, so you can be spared from unnecessary attacks and defeat in your lives. I’m sharing this so we all can step into our Christ given authority and identity as OVERCOMERS so our children and their children would know how to stand up and believe in who God says they are!

This is revolutionizing my life- will you join me? for your sake and for all of those who will come after you?

 

Vulnerable….always

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Interesting what you realize as your own strength, power, control are taken from you. For the last few weeks, I have been suffering terribly with fear. Fear is something I have overcome in the past, but all of a sudden I am plagued again. Here is the most interesting part…as the Lord has begun to speak to me about my future, and my hope has risen to really believe what He has will be, the fear has risen simultaneously.

For the last five years or so, I would declare how I totally trust in the Lord’s protection. I would have shared how I completely believe He has sent His angels to have charge over me and I am safe. It also would have been true that I am a pretty strong girl who can move quickly and deliberately when she has to. However, now that I am in a healing process, I have felt completely vulnerable. I have been ridden with fear, because if someone was coming after me, I am not as strong or as fast as I may need to be.

The reason this has caught me off guard is because until now, I had no clue that really in my heart there was a good portion of my belief that was in my own strength, my own power. Although I believed I was totally relying on God, I was also super comfortable with the idea of what I brought to the table. So when what I have to offer to my belief system has changed, I’m surprised by the outcome, and I’m thankful for this revelation.

This is also happening to me in another area of life. There is this one piece of my puzzle that I constantly am tempted to want to relax into trusting what the world can offer me, rather than look completely to God. EVERY TIME I begin down that road, starting to exhale in relief thinking that is being taken care of, that circumstance which I want to rely on is snatched from me. EVERY TIME it is jolting, frustrating, and also humbling. I feel like the Lord is saying, ” Daughter I love you too much to give you something, anything, that will make you feel comfortable, safe, provided for, or taken care of apart from me. I want you to totally and completely rely on me.” I must confess to you, friends, that this doesn’t always feel like love, sometimes it just feels hard. But I know that what I feel mostly isn’t what is true. The truth is, He does love me, and He is love, so His motive over me is ALWAYS love!

This is good. It is good for the hidden shallowness of my faith to be laid out plainly before me. It is good to know how vulnerable I am and always have been, and it always has been Him keeping me. It is good to realize how much faith I have put in things that are easily shaken, taken, or broken. For the path I am on, I will only be able to count on one thing, on One, on God. He is love. He has got me covered. He has it all worked out. This must be resolved now before I journey any deeper into my destiny.

When I asked Him to speak to me these were the scriptures He gave me. First one declaring His bigness, to put things in proper perspective for me:

Psalm 65:2-8 We all arrive at your doorstep sooner
or later, loaded with guilt,
Our sins too much for us—
but you get rid of them once and for all.
Blessed are the chosen! Blessed the guest
at home in your place!
We expect our fill of good things
in your house, your heavenly manse.
All your salvation wonders
are on display in your trophy room.
Earth-Tamer, Ocean-Pourer,
Mountain-Maker, Hill-Dresser,
Muzzler of sea storm and wave crash,
of mobs in noisy riot—
Far and wide they’ll come to a stop,
they’ll stare in awe, in wonder.
Dawn and dusk take turns
calling, “Come and worship.”

Now that I know how vulnerable I am, and yet I am loved, provided for, and protected by the Ocean-Pourer and the one who muzzles the sea storm, He says also:

Proverbs 27:1Don’t brashly announce what you’re going to do tomorrow;
you don’t know the first thing about tomorrow.

What an awesome reminder: STOP BEING BLINDED BY WHAT YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN and trust Me who KNOWS what is coming. Trust Me who is never caught off guard or suprised. Trust Me who is always FOR you and is working EVERYTHING together for your good. Nothing is too hard for Me!

Before I close with the song that I woke up meditating on tonight (which led to this posting), fIrst let me just ask you, what are you trusting in? What would you be devastated by losing? Your health? A job? A relationship? If you are feeling prompted, ask Him to show you if you are trusting in anything other than Him…..it is the time to know that HE really does provide our protection, our needs, our love. He gave it all FOR us, and He is still giving it all TO us! TRUST HIM! (and not for some outcome you have in mind, but for peace, joy, and love no matter what the circumstance)

“Always”

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Strength will rise….

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The snow was cold as I was lying there awaiting rescue. Yes, I am that girl. I am the girl who on her first day of skiing, went too high, and fell too hard….( and though I wouldn’t recommend my choice , skiing is a blast!) I had two hours of private lessons with one of my best friends and I was actually doing really well on the green level which I had been taught how to do. The trouble came when I decided I should go above my level of instruction and ability and just “see” what happens…..

I learned that skiing is so similar to life. You see, when skiing, if you start to feel out of control and start trying to do everything in your power in the moment of panic to take control, you usually head really, really fast in the wrong direction. However, if in your moment of panic, you stay centered ,balanced and focused on doing what you have been instructed to do, you will quickly regain composure and though you still may not end up exactly where you wanted, you are safe and the recovery time is much quicker. Isn’t that just like life? I feel I really need to get this lesson. When things start spiraling out of my control,I can choose NOT to go with it. I can choose to stay centered an focused and let God be in control. Help me Lord to be able to live this in the moment of need!

One other major lesson I learned from this event was the scripture:

Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strengthand power….

I learned why strength rises when we WAIT upon the Lord. When we are WAITING we are learning, we are gaining experience, devotion, building muscle and ability, and then in HIS timing, when He says the wait is over, we move into the next thing. You see, I did not wait on the Lord. I self diagnosed, “I got this!” and I was wrong. So if we wait, we gain strength. Waiting is for us, because He loves us, and He is busy preparing us AND the very thing are moving into to be in the right condition in due season. If we move ahead of God, more than likely we will be ill-equipped and inexperienced, finding ourselves overwhelmed, lacking joy and peace, and filled with fear. Making choices in this condition will often leave us wounded.

So can I encourage you today, as I am reminded with every laborious step on a healing knee, to find JOY in the waiting because it is FOR you because He loves you. If you are already in over your head, by His doing or your own choice, stay centered in Christ, Keep your eyes focused on Him, and DO NOT try to take control of your sense of falling, HE has you completely covered.  Your fall won’t be as fast, hard and far, and your recovery will be much quicker if you let Him have the control!

P.S. even though I made a foolish choice, He is working it together for good…I wouldn’t have been able to write this post had I not learned this lesson…..rejoice even in the recovery from mistakes….there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ!

Praise you Jesus!

Are we really protected by God?

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For a little while I have been wrestling out the topic of God’s Protection. I had a beloved friend share with me a horrible event that happened to her son. My heart filled with anxiety as I listened. “Wait, how could this happen?” I thought to myself, “She loves God, she prays for her children, I know she was agreeing in scripture over their lives……I HAVE A SON, could this happen to him too?” I was completely wrecked.My whole world had been thrown off axis. I needed answers.

I began my journey by asking the Lord to teach me. I had to put my heart back in place in the center of Truth. God is always Good. His NEVER breaks His promise. Nothing separates us from His love. He NEVER leaves us nor forsakes us. He answers the prayers of His children.

I started by talking to my mentor. She said to me, “So Jenna, do you pray to try to control the outcome? Did God not love Jesus because He allowed Him to suffer and die for us? Did God not protect the disciples when they each considered it an honor to be martyred for His Gospel of Peace? What do you do with the scriptures about sharing in His sufferings?”

I did NOT like this response! I did NOT like someone alluding it may be true that because I am in Christ doesn’t mean  harm will not befall me!!!! I did NOT want THIS bubble to get burst. I didn’t want to mature in this area of thinking…..NO NO NO! But God said, Yes, so I continued on.

I spoke with a dear friend of mine and she said, “Jenna I think the problem you are having is that you are trying to understand an Infinite God through finite eyes.” Through this powerful statement ( and I am sure the prayers of others asking God for my heart to be softened to learn His truth on the matter) I was able to remember something the Lord showed me not to very long ago.

I was contemplating His protection one day, as I was studying Psalm 91, and I was thanking Him for innumerable events I could specifically see His protection on my life in. As I finished He responded, ” You are welcome, Jenna, but they number of times Satan has asked to bring things into your life and I have said NO keep them far from her, is far greater than the protection you are aware of.”

As I remembered this, I also considered the truth that God can work everything together for our good. I began to allow myself to consider how we are in a world where sin exists and how everything that happens IS NOT God’s will. He gave us free will, and He will not violate that. However, because He is God He makes beautiful out of our ugly. And man, can it get ugly!

He reminded me of a dream I had not too long ago where I was being tortured in every way because of my profession of Christ and because I would not stop sharing the Love of God. As I was enduring every blow they gave to me, the strangest thing was happening. My joy and peace were untouched and the only thought I had over and over was, “I have been crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live, but Jesus Christ now lives in me. You cannot take that away, no matter what you do to me.” As I meditated upon this dream, asking Him to reveal to me what I need to learn through it, He was showing me how His protection doesn’t mean we won’t face suffering, it means He will walk through it with us, and we can have Victory in Christ, in our hearts, spirits, and minds even through the trials. That is powerful! That is true protection!

I was allowing Him to mature my thinking, renew my mind, in this area, and one morning I finally said, ” Just show me in Your Word again, affirm to me again what is really true about your protection. Please continue to redefine for me what it means to be protected by You.”

He brought me to Psalm 73. It was remarkable, please read it for yourselves. What I got from it was there is no doubt that God is Good. So even when bad thing happen, God is good. The psalmist expressed, “I almost missed seeing His goodness because I was too busy looking in another direction.” I began to understand how this issue and fear of being protected from evil really isn’t where my focus should be. My focus should be, “Seek first the Kingdom of God…..and all things will be added unto me.” He continued to say, “Although I’ve been ignorant as an ox in Your Presence, I was STILL in Your Presence. And You led me gently, compassionately, and then You blessed me!” What an awesome God, although I was asking questions that were not even where I needed to worry about, He gently led me and blessed me anyway! The psalmist ends by saying, “God You are all I want in Heaven AND on Earth.” As I read that, I thought, “Could that really become the cry of my heart? He was enough, everything, all?” Everything besides having Him is truly icing on the cake?He alone is more than enough for me?

I’m not there yet friends, but that is the cry of my heart. I want Him to be everything. I want to whisper a surprised thanks for everything above the gift of having been saved through Christ. I want to recognize everything as a blessing, a not deserved, not promised blessing from the hand of a good and loving God. I want to get this so deeply rooted in my heart and spirit so that when the next storm comes I do not have a faith crisis and life crisis simultaneously. I am choosing daily to declare, “God is always good, and I am always loved.”

One last thing was when I was talking about this to my counselor, he brought me back to Genesis and how God’s original plan was NOT for us to be concerned with good and evil, but to only eat from the Tree of Life and enjoy Him and His creation. Praise God! I can do that! =)

We can count on Him. He has our back. He is Faithful. He is Trustworthy. He earned my trust on the cross, and nothing can change that. You are divinely protected my friend! It is the TRUTH!