As I checked my blog, I couldn’t believe May was the last time I posted. But as I began considering what has been unfolding in my day-to-day since then, it comes as no surprise. Birthday after birthday, summer break, vacations, visiting family, unexpected losses and surprising gains. Wow- this summer has been full to say the least- and what is all the more interesting is that as this fullness began rapidly unfolding, the Lord called me to stillness.
Stillness might sound good to some of you- but for me that seems incredible foreign. I am not sure I know how to do still. Which is super funny in and of itself because you don’t DO still, you GET still. I am learning as I am working this out with Jesus, that stillness is a gift to be received, and sometimes the ability to receive is where the lesson begins.
He called me away from all I was DOING( in His name, mind you) earlier this summer. It was like a knife had gone straight through my heart. How could I just walk away? I didn’t want to obey, and He warned me- You do not want to be outside of obedience. OUCH! Then my heart broke, for the ones I was enjoying ministering to and with, I was afraid they might feel rejected or forgotten or or or….and He silenced my fears by saying, “You can trust me with the whole world.” Oh yeah, He is God. I remembered again and allowed His peace to settle in.
My sweet friend returned from a missions trip, and we shared and rejoiced in all that the Lord had been doing in both of our lives. I shared this whole new ‘stillness’ journey and she laughed. She looked at something she had heard from the Lord while praying for me BEFORE she had left (almost two months prior) and the Lord had told her that I needed to find my stillness in Him. Even as I type that line, I can sense shame wanting to be triggered in my spirit, like I should already know how to be still. But this is just me, being open and real with exactly what I am learning.
Yesterday, I had a beautiful time of thanksgiving and worship with the Lord. I connected with Him and cried out to Him in a way that isn’t always available as I am raising these two amazing boys. My life is full, but as you will read, I am learning to find the stillness in the fullness. I know, I know, that may sound crazy, but actually, it’s refreshing, simple, and beautiful. You see what I am finding about being still, is the joy of getting to see Him in all of it. It may not be stillness like I had imagined, like I am sitting and not moving or not doing anything. As I am entering into a lifestyle of stillness, a heart’s posture, a perspective, I am learning that it’s simply allowing my spirit to be still, to be fully present, as I do what is required, the ordinary or seemingly mundane. He spoke to my heart one morning, that what He sees as extraordinary, is men and women who invite Him into our ordinary.
This is just the beginning, but I can tell the fruit will be long lasting. I know, as I am sure you can tell, that I am just scratching the surface. As I journey in listening, following, and obeying without fully understanding, I am becoming aware of how this movement could benefit so many more than just myself. I sense the Lord calling His Bride back to sitting at His feet, and experiencing intimacy with Him that takes time, noticing, thought, and care. I sense that I am not alone in my draw towards busyness, and He desires to shift all of us to stillness.
Here is a section of my journal entry from yesterday. Perhaps you will be blessed to know you aren’t alone in your crying out. I know He cares, and He hears, and He answers our cries. He is faithful!