Monthly Archives: August 2015

Stillness- a heart’s posture

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As I checked my blog, I couldn’t believe May was the last time I posted. But as I began considering what has been unfolding in my day-to-day since then, it comes as no surprise. Birthday after birthday, summer break, vacations, visiting family, unexpected losses and surprising gains. Wow- this summer has been full to say the least- and what is all the more interesting is that as this fullness began rapidly unfolding, the Lord called me to stillness.

Stillness might sound good to some of you- but for me that seems incredible foreign. I am not sure I know how to do still. Which is super funny in and of itself because you don’t DO still, you GET still. I am learning as I am working this out with Jesus, that stillness is a gift to be received, and sometimes the ability to receive is where the lesson begins.

He called me away from all I was DOING( in His name, mind you) earlier this summer. It was like a knife had gone straight through my heart. How could I just walk away? I didn’t want to obey, and He warned me- You do not want to be outside of obedience. OUCH! Then my heart broke, for the ones I was enjoying ministering to and with, I was afraid they might feel rejected or forgotten or or or….and He silenced my fears by saying, “You can trust me with the whole world.” Oh yeah, He is God. I remembered again and allowed His peace to settle in.

My sweet friend returned from a missions trip, and we shared and rejoiced in all that the Lord had been doing in both of our lives. I shared this whole new ‘stillness’ journey and she laughed. She looked at something she had heard from the Lord while praying for me BEFORE she had left (almost two months prior) and the Lord had told her that I needed to find my stillness in Him. Even as I type that line, I can sense shame wanting to be triggered in my spirit, like I should already know how to be still. But this is just me, being open and real with exactly what I am learning.

Yesterday, I had a beautiful time of thanksgiving and worship with the Lord. I connected with Him and cried out to Him in a way that isn’t always available as I am raising these two amazing boys. My life is full, but as you will read, I am learning to find the stillness in the fullness. I know, I know, that may sound crazy, but actually, it’s refreshing, simple, and beautiful. You see what I am finding about being still, is the joy of getting to see Him in all of it. It may not be stillness like I had imagined, like I am sitting and not moving or not doing anything.  As I am entering into a lifestyle of stillness, a heart’s posture, a perspective, I am learning that it’s simply allowing my spirit to be still, to be fully present, as I do what is required, the ordinary or seemingly mundane. He spoke to my heart one morning, that what He sees as extraordinary, is men and women who invite Him into our ordinary.

This is just the beginning, but I can tell the fruit will be long lasting. I know, as I am sure you can tell, that I am just scratching the surface.  As I journey in listening, following, and obeying without fully understanding, I am becoming aware of how this movement could benefit so many more than just myself. I sense the Lord calling His Bride back to sitting at His feet, and experiencing intimacy with Him that takes time, noticing, thought, and care. I sense that I am not alone in my draw towards busyness, and He desires to shift all of us to stillness.

Here is a section of my journal entry from yesterday. Perhaps you will be blessed to know you aren’t alone in your crying out. I know He cares, and He hears, and He answers our cries. He is faithful!

August 13, 2015
Father there is so much of me that wants more of You. I want to see You, know You, experience You at deeper levels. I feel some slime about that, like I should be doing more for You to receive more of You. I feel like I am distracted and that’s why my heart feels so dry most of the time. The truth is, I am busy raising these children. I do experience You in the doing. It’s incredible. I thank You for that. I experience You when my son prays, or is kind, or compassionate. I see You in them, in their living. Thank You. I guess what I should be asking for is for my eyes to be opened more to see You in the doing. I do, when I sit here and contemplate, I see You in all of it.
I see You when I choose You instead of my flesh. I see You when my husband and I chose to stay connected in a disagreement instead of turn from each other. I see You when we relax into each other and just be. I feel You when we pray together and when he believes in me more than I do myself. I experience Your joy when I watch my children accomplish a new feat for the first time and I am overwhelmingly proud of them! I see you in it all. I guess what I need is to invite you into more of it.
So Lord, won’t you come? I open the door to all of my waking moments, all of my resting moments, all of my breaths, and I invite You to come. I almost beg You please- which is unnecessary because there You are. You are always here with me. I see You now, again, afresh.  And how refreshing it is to my soul to see You, to feel You, to know You- I need You. I fully and utterly admit how lost I would be without you. I need You more- or maybe I’m simply more aware. Your presence is life to me- help me to be still and know.
Help me Lord- for I long to find my stillness in you- but I am not sure if that is my reality. Will you teach me?
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