Monthly Archives: August 2013

Found in Him

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For the past nine weeks, the Lord has been asking me to wake up at 5 am to spend time with Him. I have been trying to by setting alarms, picking 2 days a week as a starting goal, going to bed a little earlier, and yet I have been totally unsuccessful. This has been incredibly frustrating and has caused such a looming sense of disappointment and failure within myself. I have even moved to have friends hold me accountable, begging them please pray that I can do this, I want to do this, but there seems to be some major disconnect, and it’s not happening. I mean, the God of ALL CREATION wants to meet with ME and I cannot get myself out of bed!!!!!!!!! When you ask people who are crazy about Jesus and they love the Jesus in you to pray, crazy ( and awesome) stuff starts happening!

On Sunday, during worship, I had this vision on Jesus and I. It was like no other experience I have EVER had. Him and I were laying on a picnic blanket together. We were sharing secrets. My head was on His chest and I could feel and hear His heart beating. I was so safe, so captivated by His presence, and nothing else mattered. It was like He was saying, ” You and I have been best friends for so long, but I want to move into a deeper relationship. I want to reveal more of myself to you. I am desiring for you to love me fully and give your whole self over. Will you let go of control and really allow yourself to fall into my love?” To be honest, this was so different than any interaction I have ever had with the Lord. But it stirred up the deepest places in me that I didn’t even know were there. I had those crazy emotions I did when my husband and I were just getting to know each other. There is excitement and anticipation and this longing to be together more. I felt so seen, so vulnerable, so pursued, so loved.

And then…….I pushed away.

Have you ever had this experience? Where you have this deep, vulnerable moment with someone and it’s amazing and then just a few hours later, you are feeling so exposed, so uncomfortable, so seen, that the reaction is to pull away so you can go back into hiding? That is how I have been treating Jesus. So He took this opportunity to reveal to me my fear of fulling allowing His love to carry me away. He has been revealing how much I am holding on for dear life and allowing the river to rush by and  the current is brutal because I am clinging to the wrong rock and getting beat up. He is asking me to let go, and to go all in with the current of His rushing river of life. He is showing me that I do not have to know where I end up, how I get there, or what it all looks like, I just have to know Him.

I must confess: I am AFRAID. He has revealed that I AM AFRAID TO BE FULLY KNOWN OR SEEN.

Yesterday I had someone come over sort of unexpectedly and my house was not at peak performance, it was more in it’s natural, lived in, state. I felt exposed and honestly looking for disapproval, or rejection, or surprise but I found none of that, I only found acceptance. The Lord showed me later in the day that I often clean up before I am seen. I only like to show what looks put together, shiny, clean, everything in it’s place. I do not like the messy to be made known. I shared this later with my friend who replied, ” I do not want you to have to clean up any part of you before you can share it with me. I love you right where you are at.”

I AM LOVED IN EVERY STATE. I can be fully known, fully seen, in any condition and still be loved and accepted. I am not sure if this is as strong for you as it is for me, but until a few days ago I did not even know I was hiding. Because I love the Lord, and I want to know Him more. Because I love you all and am willing to say what He asks me to say for your benefit- I am choosing to be seen, exposed, vulnerable. I am choosing to become more genuine, transparent, real. I am afraid to be seen, but I LONG to be seen.

In the vision I spoke of earlier, I saw myself fully melt into Jesus. You could no longer see me, just Him. It was the safest I’d ever felt and the most real image I’ve ever seen of who I want to be. That is my deepest desire; that I would be found in Him. So I have made a decision. I’m letting go of control, here and now. Loosening my grip on the pretty and perfect and choosing the real, the genuine, the messy. Where will this lead? I am not sure, but Jesus is who I Am following, will you join me?

P.S. a little progress to celebrate- it is 5:02 am and I am about to publish this post! Praise the Lord, I have broken through!

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Is this good?

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A few days ago I had this rather peculiar thought process. It was about one of the hardest things that God has ever asked me to do. When He did, I literally had to lay down my life, my flesh, say YES to Him, pick up my cross and follow Him. Choosing this led me into much heartbreak, much pain, and much sorrow. Is this good? It did NOT feel good, but God is good. So back to this peculiar thought process: I realized that many of the things I had been asking the Lord for came out of this hard journey. He showed me a connection in only a way the Holy Spirit can, in a matter of seconds, how saying yes to Him for that has led my family into many wonderful blessings. If I would have said no to the Lord, the very things I count as major gifts and incredible opportunities would not be present in my life today.

Also, I am thinking of a friend who found Jesus in the midst of post-partum depression. One of the hardest things she has ever faced brought her to the One who can work everything together for good. Later in her life, the difference of knowing Jesus, and how He affected her decisions during a tremendously terrifying storm, changed generations for the Kingdom of God.

So, if the question is, “Is this good?” Perhaps we need to respond, “God is good, and He works everything together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!”

If you are in a storm, or He is asking something of you that ‘feels’ like it will kill you, rest in this today….. God is ALWAYS good, you are ALWAYS loved, and He brings us out to bring us in. the path isn’t always easy- but you are never alone! Say yes to Him, always choose to deny yourself and say yes. He is looking for those who will say yes no matter what! I believe you are one!

Have I shared what God has been calling me to?

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So I don’t think I have shared yet that the Lord has led me to become a life coach. It has been such an amazing experience and has left me even more dependent upon the Holy Spirit. My website has just gone live, and I wanted to invite you guys to go and check it out! I would love your feedback! Thanks in advance! I’ve been working up an awesome post that will be coming soon- learning so much everyday!

http://www.becomingucoaching.com

Prune out gravity

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John 15

New Living Translation (NLT)

Jesus, the True Vine

15 “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

 

Recently, the Lord began to speak to me about what needed pruning out of my life. The list included a few things I had no idea were hindering me, and one thing that I had no idea what it meant, however eight week later I am beginning to have a revelation.

He spoke, ” Prune out gravity. You can SOAR. Prune out any idea of anything you feel is keeping you grounded, rooted, secure other than Me.”

Gravity? Isn’t that something I have in my life everyday, a constant, that I never think about but influences everything about my whole entire world?

My response, “Lord, what am I using as gravity? What is influencing my whole world that is keeping me from freely soaring with You?’

Oh my goodness- I strongly want to encourage you to journal this out with the Lord. Ask Him to show you the answer to that question in your own life, and then be quiet, be still, wait….when you start having some thoughts out of a deeper place inside of you begin to write those thoughts down. Do not worry about if it’s you or if it’s Him, just go with it. Later, spend time in His Word with Him and ask Him to clarify what was from Him. This is so powerful.

You and I were created to soar with Jesus, like eagles. So funny thing about eagles, they use the currents from storms to fly higher. They rise above the storm and go higher than ever before. They also were equipped with eyes to see and while flying to new heights can still clearly see what they are after. God will give you Eagle eyes, He wants you to soar.

What is gravity in your own life? Will you seek Him and journey with Him to prune it out of your life?

Jesus, I want to soar with you to whatever height I was created to. Lord, please help me partner with you, take courage, and be able to journey through pruning out anything I do not even realize is holding me down, keeping me from all that You created me for. Make it evident Lord. Show me Your ways. I am all Yours. I love you Lord! In Jesus’ name, Amen!