I have a desire in my heart. I get spoken to by someone who does not know this desire that the Lord wants to bring this forth. Faith is stirred up. Then I see the Lord doing a few things, boom, boom, boom. Confirmation. Hope is swelling. Then, WOW, this MUST be God because x,y, and z are all seeming to fall into place. I give testimony as to how God is moving, and BAM the momentum is halted and consequently I am left wondering why I ever allowed hope to take over the contentment I had with what I had.
Has this ever happened to you? You felt stirred up and excited about something the Lord began speaking to you about, only to be left wondering why He didn’t just leave you alone? I have to ask myself is what I was experiencing previously really contentment? Or was is complacency? Am I being honest with myself if what I thought I was content with was void of hope for a brighter future? Is it really being content or settling because I got tired of being disappointed? And if I was so tired of being disappointed- how did I get there? How did I arrive at the corner of “You have enough to be thankful for,” and “You probably can’t handle anymore than what you have to do already,” at such a young age.
I had to get real with the Lord and ask Him what was the purpose of allowing me to experience this cycle once again. He began to remind me that my goal for the year is to move forward. I am moving forward by replacing destructive cycles with constructive cycles. This particular cycle is very destructive. This is the cycle that causes me to lose hope. When the enemy can steal our hope, our faith tends to diminish, and Hebrews 11:6 teaches us that without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God. This is a VERY IMPORTANT LESSON TO LEARN!
I am beginning to see what the major problem is, when God speaks to me, I start trying to figure out how what He said could become possible. Now let me tell you He only spoke to the desire of my heart, but didn’t say as to how He was going to bring that forth. Yet in my desperate attempt to be in some sort of control I begin grasping onto anything I can find to see how this could work. When those theories I have crafted fall short, remember this is NOT what God had said, is when devastation and/or a deep disappointment collide with my once soaring hope and hope plummets out of the sky and lies on the ground slowly dying.
Here is how I can mature. I can mature by staying the course He has spoken to me about. I can mature by not running with vain imaginations and becoming fixed on how I think “it” will work out. I can mature by NOT putting my faith in circumstances, results, or outcomes. My God does not disappoint. He never leaves me and He always works everything together for my good. If that is not what I am experiencing, I am learning that means I am the one with a huge misunderstanding. I am learning that when He speaks to stir up my faith and remind me of the desires of my hearts, the one which maybe my little heart got weary in the waiting but He still cares about and still wants to bless me with, I can listen to what He has to say and not add to it a deadline. I can choose not be in a rush for that desire to manifest in my life. I can trust that if He is the one reminding me of something I tried to forget about because in my weariness I deemed it “impossible” that I do not need to take the reins and then try to make it happen. The One who reminded me, will take care of the details. I was reminded this week that my only focus needs to be, “Seek first the Kingdom of God….and all things will be added unto you.”
I have chosen this week that I can stop compartmentalizing contentment and hope. Somehow, as a coping tool or maybe a self-declared limit, I had determined I needed to choose one of the following, 1) being thankful for what I have or 2) hoping for more. But as a conclusion to the ride I have been on this week, I have determined something new. I am choosing to enjoy what I have on the way to where I am going. Already there is an elevated joy and peace. The limits are off and the manipulation of my future has lessened. There is expectancy for God to be God and joy in the waiting because I already have so much to enjoy. What an awesome God we serve. He loves me enough to undo every knot that is binding me when I was not aware I was being bound. He has yet again set me free. He is so worthy of praise.
Dream BIG- don’t settle, and enjoy the journey. This life we have is a gift to be fully enjoyed, not a deadline or rush just to arrive, and where are we hoping to arrive? I just want to see Jesus, and share Jesus, and love love love….and I already have everything I need to live in that reality-everything He chooses to bless me with beyond that is a surprise and I give thanks!