Vulnerable….always

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Interesting what you realize as your own strength, power, control are taken from you. For the last few weeks, I have been suffering terribly with fear. Fear is something I have overcome in the past, but all of a sudden I am plagued again. Here is the most interesting part…as the Lord has begun to speak to me about my future, and my hope has risen to really believe what He has will be, the fear has risen simultaneously.

For the last five years or so, I would declare how I totally trust in the Lord’s protection. I would have shared how I completely believe He has sent His angels to have charge over me and I am safe. It also would have been true that I am a pretty strong girl who can move quickly and deliberately when she has to. However, now that I am in a healing process, I have felt completely vulnerable. I have been ridden with fear, because if someone was coming after me, I am not as strong or as fast as I may need to be.

The reason this has caught me off guard is because until now, I had no clue that really in my heart there was a good portion of my belief that was in my own strength, my own power. Although I believed I was totally relying on God, I was also super comfortable with the idea of what I brought to the table. So when what I have to offer to my belief system has changed, I’m surprised by the outcome, and I’m thankful for this revelation.

This is also happening to me in another area of life. There is this one piece of my puzzle that I constantly am tempted to want to relax into trusting what the world can offer me, rather than look completely to God. EVERY TIME I begin down that road, starting to exhale in relief thinking that is being taken care of, that circumstance which I want to rely on is snatched from me. EVERY TIME it is jolting, frustrating, and also humbling. I feel like the Lord is saying, ” Daughter I love you too much to give you something, anything, that will make you feel comfortable, safe, provided for, or taken care of apart from me. I want you to totally and completely rely on me.” I must confess to you, friends, that this doesn’t always feel like love, sometimes it just feels hard. But I know that what I feel mostly isn’t what is true. The truth is, He does love me, and He is love, so His motive over me is ALWAYS love!

This is good. It is good for the hidden shallowness of my faith to be laid out plainly before me. It is good to know how vulnerable I am and always have been, and it always has been Him keeping me. It is good to realize how much faith I have put in things that are easily shaken, taken, or broken. For the path I am on, I will only be able to count on one thing, on One, on God. He is love. He has got me covered. He has it all worked out. This must be resolved now before I journey any deeper into my destiny.

When I asked Him to speak to me these were the scriptures He gave me. First one declaring His bigness, to put things in proper perspective for me:

Psalm 65:2-8 We all arrive at your doorstep sooner
or later, loaded with guilt,
Our sins too much for us—
but you get rid of them once and for all.
Blessed are the chosen! Blessed the guest
at home in your place!
We expect our fill of good things
in your house, your heavenly manse.
All your salvation wonders
are on display in your trophy room.
Earth-Tamer, Ocean-Pourer,
Mountain-Maker, Hill-Dresser,
Muzzler of sea storm and wave crash,
of mobs in noisy riot—
Far and wide they’ll come to a stop,
they’ll stare in awe, in wonder.
Dawn and dusk take turns
calling, “Come and worship.”

Now that I know how vulnerable I am, and yet I am loved, provided for, and protected by the Ocean-Pourer and the one who muzzles the sea storm, He says also:

Proverbs 27:1Don’t brashly announce what you’re going to do tomorrow;
you don’t know the first thing about tomorrow.

What an awesome reminder: STOP BEING BLINDED BY WHAT YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN and trust Me who KNOWS what is coming. Trust Me who is never caught off guard or suprised. Trust Me who is always FOR you and is working EVERYTHING together for your good. Nothing is too hard for Me!

Before I close with the song that I woke up meditating on tonight (which led to this posting), fIrst let me just ask you, what are you trusting in? What would you be devastated by losing? Your health? A job? A relationship? If you are feeling prompted, ask Him to show you if you are trusting in anything other than Him…..it is the time to know that HE really does provide our protection, our needs, our love. He gave it all FOR us, and He is still giving it all TO us! TRUST HIM! (and not for some outcome you have in mind, but for peace, joy, and love no matter what the circumstance)

“Always”

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way
Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

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